Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
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I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
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We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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