Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
