i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
