I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
His nipple licking is glorious
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