The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Someone signed my nipple.
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