I love black thongs
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
