did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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