Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
