When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
