I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
