you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just cut my nipple shaving
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.