Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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