I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15