I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
