im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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