Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
