Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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