The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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