dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
