seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
