i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
