I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
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