I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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