I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
we're so committed to being not committed
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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