Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
