would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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