just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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