I accidentally burped into my bong.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
