it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
