i just sent this text using only my big toe
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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