Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
