I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
