I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
They have beer where we have blood.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
