omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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