Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
