i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
