lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
