Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize