I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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