Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
