Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
