He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
