He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
How does one acquire holy water?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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