last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
