So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
