a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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