; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
