You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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