i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
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