What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
