you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
