I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
