I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
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