it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
