Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
