I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
