Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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