I wish I could teleport
they need to just BURY HIM!
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
