Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
