I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
we should paint friendship bongs
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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