i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
