If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
