I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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