My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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