dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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