I'm so fucking centered right now
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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