I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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