Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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