I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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