WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
