She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
