So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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