Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
