I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
