i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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