Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
His hands were made for my vagina.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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