I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
